I have returned to India after eight and a half years, and am absolutely repulsed by television here. If I thought media in the west went overboard trying to capture audiences' senses, TV in India is pure sensory overload. Here are ten reasons I just can't stand watching TV here:
- There are at least five channels on each theme in each language (movies, religion, sports, soaps, news…)
- Every channel has at least two lines and most channels have three lines of scrolling teletext. What's more – none of the teletext actually corresponds to the actual program going on – which means you can't even watch it with the volume muted.
- "Till the cows come home" carries a new meaning with our news channels. Every topic is repeated, squeezed, analyzed, and chewed until the cows really come home. Be it the postponement of IPL, Slumdog's Oscars, or that two-headed dog that was spotted in Ichalkaranji.
- Half the screen in most programs is covered with cartoons, advertisements, animations and other distractions – which are designed to ensure that just in case we wish to divert our attention for the 0.35ms when the host is not speaking, we have something else to look at.
- Over 50% of the programming is based on some sort of a stage contest. Singing, dancing, stand-up comedy, and several other ways for participants to make fools out of themselves.
- Soap operas – where to start. I'll leave the obvious complaints aside – and refer to the background music. Every word, every line comes with its own tune. Here is an example:
Actor 1: "What are you doing here?" <suspicious music>
Actress 2: "Who are you to ask?" <angry music>
Actor 1's mother: "Come on – it is after all her home too…" <loving, tender flute music>
And so on.
Someone has got to talk to those music directors…
- The better a program is, the longer and more frequent the ad breaks. By "better" I am not talking about watchable – it is all relative to the other terrible programs there are. There have got to be rules about how long and frequent ad breaks can be.
- Everything is so loud and high pitched. Ads, soaps, those "You're watching … TV" jingles… So loud. And no channel can get its audio leveling right – you would need to increase the volume to be able to listen to the dialogues in the movie – just to get your ears blown off by the sudden commercial break.
- I am going crazy with the number of times each commercial (advertisement) is repeated within each break. The same jingles, same words, repeating over, and over, and over, and over again ARE SIMPLY DRIVING ME NUTS!
- Who said Americans were after sex and nudity – Film songs and clips on Indian TV are far raunchier than anything I have ever seen in network television in the US in all my years. Add to that, the whole time the IPL postponement was being discussed, the only clips in the background were those of the Cheerleaders. I suppose after all, IPL is only about scantily clad women who know nothing about cricket dancing in front of salivating audiences.
Gosh – I love those new LCD TVs – but I can't stand the programming. I think I am just going to buy one and not subscribe to cable – and watch digital photographs to admire the display.
2 comments:
Dude, You forgot the layers of make-up and unending close up shots in the soaps.
You're right... Actually it is amazing how each actress is fully dressed in silk saree + gold jewelery under any circumstances, even when her husband is suffering in the hospital.
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